A Womb's Eye View

A Womb’s Eye View
What It’s Like To Live In A Womb As Told By One Who’s Been There

Good Morning! Ah, looks like it’s going to be another beautiful day! I love living here in the womb. It’s so peaceful, yet there’s plenty to do and I can have all the fun I want. Well, I’ve got the whole day ahead of me so let’s see what’s on my to-do list for today. Hmm. Busy today it looks like. To start with there’s my morning exercise routine, maybe I’ll do a few laps followed by some yoga training. Sounds good. Later on I’ll head to the gym and see what there is to do there. If I have some time after that I could practice my cartwheels and somersaults. Oh, and probably this evening I’ll need to find some time to rehearse my big dance number. Yeah, can’t forget that. Gee, I hope I have enough time for everything. Well let’s get started. First, some laps. One, and two . . .

    “Put your hand right here” my wife tells me as she guides my hand to a lump on the left side of her belly. “That’s probably the baby’s foot sticking out right there.”
   I can feel the baby sticking out for a moment, but then the lump is gone. “Hey, where’d it go?” I ask.
   "The baby’s over here now” she informs me, pointing to her right side now. Sure enough, that side is now hard, as if the baby is leaning up against her side. A few seconds later though and what once was hard has gone squishy again.
   "Over here again. Wow, it’s like that kid is swimming laps in there.”

Ah, nothing like a few laps in the pool to get you going in the morning. Oh good, looks like it’s time for breakfast. Isn’t this place great? The food is delivered right to you! It’s so much fun to watch the Cheerios come rolling along down the umbilical cord and plink, plink, plink, drop into my belly like pennies into a piggy bank. Yes, this is the life.
But hey, I’ve still got things to do today. What’s next? Oh yeah, my yoga exercises. Okay, first we need to relax and do our deep breathing routine. Hmm. Wait a second. It’s all water in here. How am I supposed to do deep breathing in a womb full of water? Okay, I think I’ll just skip that part. Next comes the stretching. Let me see what I can do. Okay, now lay down flat on your back, then—stretch!

    MaeLyn grabs the wall and winces.
   “What’s the matter?” I ask, wondering if she’s started having contractions.
   She looks at me with one of those looks that only pregnant women seem to be capable of. Sort of a “you did this to me, it’s all your fault” look. She winces again and starts pushing on the sides of her belly.
   “The baby is lying sideways in there and then stretching out! Hello? There’s not enough room in there to do that. I am not made of elastic!”

I don’t like doing those stretches anymore. There’s just not enough room in here. I used to be able to stretch without a problem, but for some reason this womb just keeps getting smaller. It might be time to find a different exercise. Maybe I’ll just do my yoga meditation. That will work. Just curl up in a small ball … oh yeah that’s it. Then meditate. Ohmmmmmm. Ohmmmmmm. And gently rock to sleep . . .

“It’s nice during the day while I’m walking around and doing things. I think all the rocking back and forth puts the baby to sleep.”
My wife seems happy for now that she still has the energy to do things. The extra weight around the middle only slows her down a little. She has to put more effort in getting up from a chair than usual and she’s a little off-balance when carrying things but overall she’s enjoying this stage of pregnancy. At least she’s not throwing up in the morning anymore.

Yawn! Oh my, I think I might have overslept. It looks like lunch has already arrived. That’s good. How long was I asleep? I’ve still got a lot of things I need to do today. Let’s see, after lunch is playtime. Oh yes, I think I’ll go play on the jungle gym. Hey look! They’ve got monkey bars! These are fun to climb up and down on. What’s that say? Hey, some prankster wrote, “Hannah was here” on this second rung. Why, if I ever meet the graffiti artist who did that, I’d give her a piece of my mind. You can’t even go to the playground nowadays without someone trying to carve their name on things. Oh well, I think I’ll just stick my feet over this first rung and hang upside down for a while. Wee! This is fun!

    “Move down,” MaeLyn is now yelling at her belly.
   I don’t even want to ask. I just look at her questioningly.
   “The baby’s got his feet stuck up in my ribs. His or hers, whatever. Hannah used to climb my ribs all the time and it was so uncomfortable.” She continues to push down on her tummy, trying to get the baby to move to a different position.
   “Move down,” she bellows.

Aw shucks. It seems that every time I start to have fun on the jungle gym someone pushes me off. No fair! I guess I’ll just have to find something else to do. Let me practice some of my cartwheels and somersaults. Ah, yes, very nice. It sure is nice that it’s all water in here. That makes it so much easier to spin around. Nothing to bump into. Nothing to slow you down. This place is the best.

We just watch as MaeLyn’s belly constantly changes shape. The mound moves around like a living jelly mold. Glorump-Shlorp, it seems to say as it shifts from one side to the other and then back again. Sometimes the movement makes MaeLyn laugh. I don’t know if it tickles her or if she just thinks the baby is being silly but her laughter just makes her belly shake more. I picture in my mind her saying, “On Dancer, On Prancer . . .” and join in the laughter.

Wow, look at the time. It’s almost time for dinner. Good, all this playing has made me hungry. All right, here it comes down the tube! This is the way to eat! Straight from my mom to my belly. What’s it going to be tonight? Salad? That’s okay I guess. Mmm, macaroni and cheese, my favorite! Hey, how’d those lima beans get in here? Stop! Go back! Halt I say! Augh! Oh no, they made it in. Yuck. Oh look, what a relief! Here’s some Kool-Aid to wash it down. At least I don’t get that lima bean taste in my mouth. What’s this? Hey, hey! Lookie there! An Ice Cream Sandwich! Yes! Now I feel so good I could almost dance. Dance!? Wow I almost forgot! I need to rehearse my tap dancing for my recital. Let’s see. A kick-kick here, a kick-kick there, here a kick, there a kick, everywhere a kick-kick . . .

    “Um, MaeLyn?” I ask, “How can you sleep with the baby kicking like that?” Lying next to MaeLyn I can feel the baby constantly pounding against her stomach.
   “Well,” she says, “It’s kind of difficult, actually.”
    I roll over and try to get comfortable. MaeLyn does the same, but with much less success.

Whew! That’s enough for today. I think I’m getting better at that dance part. I sure had a lot of fun today. But I think now it’s time to go to bed. I’m sure glad I have a nice soft comfy bed. I could almost sleep anywhere in here. Yes, this place is great. Plenty of food, lots of places to play, could use a little more legroom, but other than that I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be. This is the best place in the whole world, well, at least as far as I’ve ever experienced. Yes, this is the life for me. I hope things never change. I just want to stay in here forever. Well, tomorrow is going to be another busy day. Goodnight.